Jan. 5th, 2018
Prompt: What area of your life, right now, makes you feel at your best? Which area makes you feel at your worst?
At my best:
– My own skin
I’ve always been comfortable in her own skin, yes even in my teens, but there were some years that I lost that. The years I was married to my ex. husband I slowly lost that person but found her again as our divorce and the 3 years before it happened. I also saw the divorce coming 3 years before it happened just in the fact that there was a night we were out together, and I was looking at him from across a table… we were from England and I was just about to come back home because of visa problems. We were one of the last nights before I had to leave and a feeling that things were never going to be the same or that I would never see him again came over me, we were about to fight over something dumb, so I stopped before the fight could happen after that feeling. I guess I knew changes were about to happen but just didn’t know how it would all effect the life I knew.
Now, in my current relationship I’ve had room to grow into the person that I was always. I’ve relearned/learned so much about myself over the past 8 years. I’ve been allowed to rediscover myself with the love and support of my current boyfriend/husband. Even when I had the failure last Spring I leaned that I wasn’t as stupid as life had me to believe. Just under educated that is all!
At my worst:
– Overly active mind
– Being a housewife
– School career
My overly active mind is a blessing but mostly a curse as well! It’s wonderful at being able to jump over feeling of hurt but it also just jumps, more like leaps, from one creative project to the next and I’m less li
kely to start anything most of the time. It’s the same with housework, as now there is so much of it and I feel as if I’m in a deep hole of it. Kind of like AU2016 at OSU when class work just kept coming and the moment I felt like I could start taking charge of it a new assignment that would be due that night had to be done first… or I missed many due dates. I kept being hit by the waves never really recovering enough to stand up.
I want to be a good housewife, honestly, I do! It’s just never been great at being one, but I can see myself in the role of being one. I like to cook, bake and do a lot of
things good housewives are known for but I must clean this place up first! I will also admit that my ADHD makes it hard for me to prioritize so making myself a cleaning schedule is going to be harder for me than most. Yet, I would LOVE to have a clean home, one that if someone just showed one day I wouldn’t be scared to let them into and one that I could hold a dinner party or group meeting in.
Lastly, I don’t know what I’m going to do about school! I really want to get a degree in something, well anything, just to be able to feel like I could get it. Yet, I don’t want it to be just some piece of paper that I frame and hang in my home office. Then just be a stay-at-home-mom who blogs on the side! I want to have a career, so my daughter can see her mother work hard to make something of herself. As I want her to know that women can be strong and independent, my partner wants the same!