Jan 8th, 2018

Prompt: Sit silently for 20 minutes:
Take inventory of the feelings in your heart consider why these feelings are coming up?

At first, the feeling of being at peace in my current life style (even when I know I could be living a better life) and being loved by the person (people) I value most in life, which I guess after the years I spent feeling unloved and unwanted by my ex. I would know the difference! I know what a REAL relationship with the people who you choose to keep close should feel like.

Then there is still a small feeling of the huge failure with school that are still alive within me. Even when my brain pep-talks me with… “Nobody would have believed that you could achieve what you have over the past 6 years in your school career! 20 years ago, nobody would have believed that the girl who couldn’t even get a grade higher than a C in Basic Algebra could have nearly taken an A in Collage Algebra nor move up to taking Trig.” I mean I have achieved so much in the past 6 years in my school career and even I believed that I would never have been a A/B student while I was in high school.

It has left me asking myself, once again, if this failure was more of a sign?

  • Was my heart really into the subject I choose to major in?
  • Am I just NOT that passionate about it?
  • Do I know what I am passionate about?
  • Do I fear what my true passion is?

I guess it’s good I still question myself here but I’m still no closer to giving myself answers for them!