Jan. 2nd, 2018
“Relationships, of all kinds, are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.
The minute your hand squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through you fingers. You may hold on to some of it but most will be spilled.
A relationship is like that – Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold to tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”
I’ve never have been the type to be possessive of my partners or friends, although an ex might think otherwise, I think that I hold too loosely sometimes. I very rarely end friendships even if it’s time to walk away. I let the person take their space and sometimes I get back in touch with them and we have a wonderful time… a kind of time as if I/they never left and it feels like old times. I’m super easy going when it comes to friendships/relationships I have had people walk all over me before, while I’m not longer friends with them I can’t hate them.
The quote itself I read in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book back in my late teens. I also feel that is you hold on to relationship too tightly you don’t give yourself/the other person space to grow also. My ex. Husband wanted NOTHING but space, which I gave him but the times where I wanted to be near him I was accused of being clinging and a “bunny boiler”. I would then back off even more by the end of our marriage we were more like two people sharing an apartment together. I got use to being alone while with him and learned how to enjoy being alone. The ONLY other relationship, which was a friendship, that I’ve ended or allowed to end where it was beyond repair was when I tried to help a friend of over 10 years out. I risked a lot because I had just met my boyfriend and we let her live with us… it went on for 2 years. At which point she threw the gift I had past on to her to help her out in my face. I don’t hate her, but I NEVER wish to see or speak to her again.
It takes a lot to get on my bad side but once you get there you better be ready for me to never want to have any contact with you afterwards! My problem is I don’t try hard enough to keep friendships going but I’m worried about trying too hard and pushing the person away before the friendship can develop and sometimes, most of the time, it doesn’t develop because I don’t make the effort. Yet, why make the effort if the other party isn’t making any effort as well?
*Sorry my photos are from 2017 but I’ve been sick with whatever my daughter had last week this week. (I had to add
my last two as one is one of my favorite pics of the early years of this relationship and the other is from this Spring)